Phil Bohol is a founder, coach, and entrepreneur who speaks openly about leadership, identity, and responsibility. In this episode of his mindset podcast, Phil addresses men who grew up without a present father and are now trying to build a stronger life, family, and future of their own.
This episode is for men who feel driven but internally unsettled. If you’re an entrepreneur, husband, or father carrying unresolved anger, pressure, or self-doubt that you can’t fully explain, this business and entrepreneur podcast episode explores where that weight often comes from and how to break the cycle.
Phil shares his personal experience growing up without consistent emotional guidance from his father. He reflects on the early years of feeling loved and safe, followed by confusion, resentment, and emotional shutdown after his family fractured. That absence, combined with silence around emotions, shaped how he navigated anger, addiction, relationships, and self-worth for years.
A core theme of the episode is the generational impact of emotionally unavailable fathers. Phil explains how men who never heard “I’m proud of you” often grow into adults who never feel enough. That missing voice becomes an internal gap that drives overwork, restlessness, and chronic dissatisfaction, even when success is achieved.
Phil contrasts this with how he approaches fatherhood today. Instead of raising his children in his image, he focuses on knowing who they are, being present, and offering emotional safety. Presence is not about activities or achievements. It’s about attunement, attention, and consistency.
The episode also connects fatherlessness to leadership and business. Many men bring unresolved childhood pain into entrepreneurship, where it shows up as control issues, burnout, and constant pressure to prove worth. Phil explains that healing isn’t about blaming parents. It’s about extracting lessons, choosing responsibility, and deciding to become the man your children will never have to recover from.
Throughout the conversation, Phil reinforces his broader mission. Hurt men who heal have a responsibility to help other men do the same. Growth is not about perfection. It’s about awareness, ownership, and choosing to lead differently.
This episode is part of Phil Bohol’s ongoing work around mindset, leadership, and becoming the man your family needs. It’s not a rant and not a theory. It’s lived experience, reflection, and a call to do better.
Listen with the intention to reflect honestly, identify what you’re carrying, and decide what ends with you.
I have this theory about fatherless men, and this is men that literally didn't have their dad in their life. These are men that maybe had a father in their life, wasn't present. Maybe they had a father in their life for a moment or a period of their life, and then they disappeared, divorce, literally up and left, whatever the case might be.
I have this theory because when I think about myself as a father of two now, why I've become what I consider a great dad in comparison to what I remember and what I experience. But at the same time, you know, I never wanna take away from what my father did up until the point that he didn't. So, to help you kind of understand this theory, let me take a couple steps back and give you a little glimpse of my experience with a father.
So you may or may not know I'm from the Philippines. That's where I was born. Grew up there till about five, six years old. Then started to, uh, migrate over to the United States. My father had an opportunity as an artist, uh, to move over here, and that's how we started. I believe he came to the US maybe a couple months, maybe a year before we were able to actually come over.
And then that's how we kind of started our life. We started in Arizona and. That the time in Arizona. Man, that was beautiful. That's the, in my mind, the American dream. We had a very low key home, you know, probably talking like 150, 160, maybe $200,000 house tops. United States. You know, we, we had a house, we had land for ourselves, we had a kitchen, we had, uh, four walls.
We had heat, we had hot water. And, you know, there I'll, I'll, I'll talk about another day about, you know, the poverty mindset, switching into a, a first world country type of deal. But in that time, I was a, I was like a. What is it? Mommy's boy and a, a daddy's boy or some shit, you know? I was like, I love my parents, bro.
Loved it. My dad was super cool to me and you know, he had the Harley, he had the job, he was, uh, there for Christmases, things like that, you know? And, um, that, that was the best time of my family life that I could remember as a kid. And that's what I'll always hold onto. You know, it's, it's like those early years and I think that lasted.
Probably till I was about maybe eight max last, about one or two years there, you know, and then we moved over to California. And California is when, you know, it started kind of getting better, but then it started also getting worse at the same time. And this is where things get a little dark, you know, in my mind there's even times where I've blacked out.
And for me. I always remember my dad kind of being that guy that didn't really talk about himself. We didn't really have any heart to hearts like that, at least not that I can remember. Uh, he, I don't remember a time where like he's ever pulled me aside, him like, Hey, you know, son, let's go have some ice cream, or Let's go hang out together.
There was always an activity that was needed for us to do something, so I had to be doing something that he liked to do. So he was in a band before, I think back in the Philippines or Arizona. So the only time we really meshed was when I was playing the drums or learning how to play the drums. He was on a basketball team for a little bit.
Um, you know, nothing pro or anything like that. Kind of like, you know, you, you, you play with the UNCs, you know, on Saturdays and shit. Uh, if I wasn't playing basketball, we weren't really connecting like that. Um. If, if it had to do with art because he was an artist, that's the time he would like be interested in the shit that I was doing.
But when I think back on my life, and this is like the hard part of it, I don't remember a time where I felt like my father wanted to get to know me and to like raise me for me. He was like raising me in his image, if that makes sense. Um. And I didn't, you know, you don't know what you don't know until you kind of become a father on your own and you're kind of just like, man, that kind of sucked.
You know? Because for me, like I take my kids out. I, I have daddy daughter dates, I spend time with them one-on-one. I get to know them. I play their games, their toys, their experiences. I don't make them, you know, work out with me. I don't make them do business with me. I don't make them like learn sales psychology.
I don't let them like do all this. I'm not pushing them to join the military. You see what I'm saying? I'm not expecting my children to do or to love what I love. I'll show them my passions, but I'm more interested in what they're learning to be passionate about, if that makes sense. And, you know, after that Christmas night where my mother decided it was a great fucking idea, don't know why, uh, Christmas Eve to let us know, Hey, you know, dad's cheating on us, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I'll, I'll talk about that whole fucking traumatic experience. Another, uh, video or episode. But, um, that's when everything kind of changed. You know, like I, it was, it was my hero. I wrote a letter for that, for that break. I was gonna present to him once he came back from the Philippines, learned all this bullshit, and then from there I kind of had like this chip on my shoulder.
You know, it's kinda like, what the fuck just happened? Like, we, we, we made it. We finally have, we have the house. We're, we're in the us we're doing moves like we're living life. Why sabotage that. And you know, they, they have their own relationship. They got their own reasons for why they did what they did.
I'm just talking about from my perspective. So then I started to feel like this anger, this wrath, this resentment. And that's when I started doing stupid shit. You know, I started stealing, this is when I started drinking, this is when I started doing drugs. This is when I started kind of being a dickhead.
And I went from like the super sweet boy to like this dickhead teenager because obviously, you know, I, I didn't really have my dad there to like. Help me, guide me through the emotions that I was experiencing. You know, there was never a conversation like, Hey son, you know, this is what's happening. I take accountability for whatever's going on.
I wanna make sure I do right by you and, and help guide you through this. You know, they made this decision, you know, whether or not they were conscious about it or not. They both had their part of making that decision and it felt like they decided to let us as the children fend for ourselves in this very, very traumatic experience for the family.
And we're all kids, you know what I mean? And we don't have like family in the, in the US at the time. Um, I think we don't really have that much family here at all. I think they're all still in the Philippines. You see what I'm saying? Like, we're, we're here by ourselves and we broke. The one thing that we got, and this is decades later, I, I became a father.
I'm thinking back, you know, and this, this is some shit that it still kind of, it irks me to say out loud because it's like there's a part of me that wants to protect my father, his name and all that stuff, and say, Hey, you know, he tried his best. But every time I say that I'm like, did you though, you know, because of me being a dad now, I'm like, man, I know what it's like to like fucking your best.
And if that was his best, that was his best. It is what it is. You know? Maybe he gave me better than what he had. And I'll, I'll always try to look for the positive, but what I'm saying in this lesson, because this is, this is very like so many fucking layers to this, okay? This is not just one, one topic that we talk about and then boom, we come to a conclusion.
There's so many layers, so many different perspectives, so many scenarios that there's no right or wrong. Let's just put it that way. There's no right or wrong here. It's just, it is what it is. That's basically it. Um, and you know when, when I think about like why that was. It's like it's so much easier for men to like shut down than to talk about their emotions, and that's where the generational curse of men come from.
You know, you have a stoic father who doesn't talk about shit and doesn't talk about emotions. He doesn't talk about things that he should probably be talking about. He doesn't teach or lead a son to turn into a man and that son, that boy. Takes only what he's learned plus all the pain and the trauma and the issues, and then does the best that he could, only to fall back to the comfort of what he got.
So that's what he gives to his kids. So I decided to break that completely, but that's where that curse comes from. Weak men breed weak men. Strong men breed strong men, but weak men also forge strong men. And this is the point of this. The reason why I gave you that is so that way you can understand, I don't come from the most, like foundationally, structurally strong place in family or with my relationship with my parents, especially my dad.
Um, but I've used that as like learning lessons. What do, what, what did I like about that? And I'm still kind of figuring that part out. What did I like about that? Um, in the moments that my father spent time with me. Whether it was art, drums, um, motocross, doing all these things, these activities he liked to do.
Um, it was nice to have a present father, but I also know outside of those memories, those core memories, there's not a lot of quality time. So what I take from that as, as a fatherless man, right? Because it was there for a moment and then it was, it was gone. I took the, when he was present, he was present.
And that was the one thing I took from that my childhood, when he's present, he's present. And it's, it's, it's a small thing. It's a small little thing. It's a big thing though. It it, and I just chose to expand what that meant to me because of my experience of not ever having a father. Well, from, again, my experience taking the time to get to know me.
I make it a point to get to know my kids what they like to do, especially daughters man. Like, they like different shit than than boys, you know? And like sometimes my daughter wants to play with like water, you know, and like her little mermaids and like, she's like, yeah, let's play water. And I'm like, okay, let's do it.
And then she doesn't even play with me. She just wants me to be there with her while she plays and like react to like her little voices and stuff. And that's what I do, bro. Like, I don't even try, I don't get frustrated that like, I don't get to play the mermaid water thing. It's like I get to give my kids what I wish I had and that's the lesson.
But what happens that I find in the world, and this is true, a lot of people don't get the father they wish they had. And they just default to being the father. They had. They don't do anything more with it. They, they don't take the lessons and, and extract the teachings as wisdom to change their family's life.
And it's because they never had a strong, stable, emotionally stable, spiritually stable, mentally stable man to teach them how to be men. And this is why I do the work that I do. And it's not because like we're, we're less than, it's because we just didn't have the guidance, you know? So I think that it's our responsibility as, as hurt men that have healed to help heal more men.
I think that's the whole point of this, this game that we play, the more that I do right by my family, no matter where I come from, and I document this and I show you what's possible, and I show you the highs and the lows and the good, the bad, the ugly. That I hope inspires the right man to say, Hey, man, like I'm watching this dude, and I've seen him level up through the years and I know where he's come from too, and we're kind of cut from the same cloth.
I think I need to do better, and I think that's all we can do. You know, I can't project this shit onto people. I, I, I'm the lighthouse and if you swim my way, I got you. And if you don't, you know, good luck to you. Good luck to your, your family. My biggest thing is like, why inflict the hurt and the pain and the lack that we had onto our kids?
Why not try to do better? Why not try to like ex like far exceed trying and do and, and be crystal clear on the life that you're trying to create for your family and for your kids, you know? This is why this topic I can talk about forever. There's so many lessons in my life that I can continue to talk about this for, for young men to hear, for hurt men, to hear, for fathers, to hear for, for husbands to hear.
There's so much from our pain that can be used as like a guiding force to help us get to a healthier spot. And what that does is it helps us be happier too, because a lot of the times in high performance, and I'll leave you with this. Is we never feel good enough because our fathers never spoke that voice into us.
See, I think a lot of men that had that father figure, and were lucky to have him, who had dads that said, Hey son, I'm proud of you. Great job son. I see you trying your best son. It's like when, when you get that voice as a kid, that becomes your voice and you start becoming that. Hey, great job. I know my dad would've told me great job.
So I can recognize it's a great job. Now a lot of us are missing that, so we don't know when to be proud of ourselves. We don't know when, when to, uh, pat ourselves on the back. We don't know when we're doing a good job. And so nothing ever feels enough, and that's why like we chase this thing and, and we're so miserable and unhappy and depressed because we never know are we ever gonna be enough.
And the answer lies in that truth and seeking that truth. And that's why I'm on this mission to just keep spreading the good word. You know, keep sharing like what's worked for me and what's healed for me and what I'm still working on, because I'm still wor, I'm still working on some things in that space.
You know, I don't think it's ever gonna end. But there's a beauty to that too. It's called having a purpose, something to live for, something to show up for. As always, if this message hits, if, if you like it, if you feel like other people need to hear it, share it, subscribe, like it, you know, look at the description down below.
Look at all the resources I got for you. Plug in, connect with me on other platforms. I'm on Instagram, I'm on YouTube, on Facebook. Let's just connect straight up. I think that's the whole point of this game, and if we can do life together. Like-minded men doing life together, there's something powerful in that.
And I really am on a mission to like build my unit, my unit of men, my boys that are come from the same cloth, that just wanna do better and are willing to put in the work to do that. So I hope this is what was enough to shake you awake today. And as always see you on the next one and the one after that and just keep showing up, stay plugged in with me.
You'll see. I'll never stop. And on the days where you wanna stop, come back to these. Come back to these micro lessons, find the one that calls to you. Absorb it, download it, then apply. All right, see you soon. Peace.