Are you unknowingly leaving your kids feeling empty while chasing success? In this hard-hitting video, Phil dives deep into a harsh reality faced by many successful entrepreneurs and business owners: Your children may not be proud of your success. Why? Because success often comes at a cost you didn’t anticipate — an emotional gap between you and your family.
Key Moments:
[00:20] Why emotional gaps form between dads and their children
[00:45] The difference between achievement and attachment to your business
[05:22] A simple 2-step framework to emotionally reset before spending time with your kids
[07:15] How to redefine success metrics to include family life
[09:00] A powerful, life-changing exercise to reconnect with your kids today.
Phil breaks down the success paradox — how the pursuit of wealth, growth, and achievement can turn into an unhealthy attachment, leaving little emotional bandwidth for your kids. Discover the warning signs, understand why your children may feel like they're competing with your business, and learn the proven strategies to fix it before it’s too late.
Phil shares actionable steps to redefine your success metrics, prioritize meaningful family connections, and build a legacy your kids will genuinely be proud of. Learn the importance of presence, mindful parenting, and balancing business ambition with emotional availability. This isn’t just about being successful—it’s about being the dad your kids deserve while achieving your dreams.
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What if your success was actually doing the opposite of what you wanted it to do for your kids?
I literally coach dads and business owners from all over the world. And here's what I'm finding.
The children of the most successful entrepreneurs and business owners are often feeling empty inside. So in today's video, I'm going to tell you exactly how to prevent that.
Or even how to fix it before it's too late.
So let's talk about the success paradox. Now what's a paradox in the first place. Think about a paradox, like a contradiction. If I say I'm going to work less and somehow I make more money or my business grows more. It kind of logically doesn't make sense because I'm doing less, but making more. So it's a success paradox.
Most men don't understand this.
And what happens is business owners go into this weird place where they think that they're going after achievement, but they actually ended up being super attached to their business. Like if it's not business, if it's not driving revenues, if it's not growth, if it's not scale, then I don't want to talk about it.
I have no space in my mind, my heart today to talk about it whatsoever. But there's a difference between that, which is attachment. And seeking achievement. I want to do what I said I was going to do. I want to follow through on my word. I want to say, I said, I want to make a big business. I want to build a business of legacy.
I want to build something. We can be proud of. That's achievement. I don't want to talk about anything but work. If it has nothing to do with work or making money or doing business or doing deals or whatever the case might be. I don't want to talk about it because this is all I want. That's completely attached to the business.
So you have to understand the difference in perspective. Cause it's important.
What happens is a lot of the times men don't realize that this is actually creating a gap emotionally. So, what I mean by that is they're emotionally invested and attached to their business. They live and breathe and die by their business. But what does that mean for your kids? If everything that you live for is your business.
That leaves an emotional gap in you. And that leaves an emotional gap in those children. Because now, instead of making the children in the family, a priority, you're making the business a priority because you're seeking and, and you're, you're really feeding that attachment. You have to the, the growth of those KPIs.
And that's why when business owners started to become successful, they start doing what, and you know, I'm guilty of it too.
You start buying the Rolexes, you start buying the cars, you start upgrading the lifestyle, you start doing all the fancy stuff. And then what happens.
All of the material, stuff that you end up buying and buying and buying. Just get you that dopamine hit, then it goes away. Then you got to chase and chase and chase and emotionally keep getting attached to the business and the business growth to then support this lifestyle that maybe you didn't even want in the first place, but you're just getting those dopamine hits after dopamine hit.
After dopamine hit.
And this whole game of chasing the next new thing or to upgrade the lifestyle, it starts to backfire. Because now you become materialistic. You start thinking that you got to get the next Rolex. Uh, or, or all the other entrepreneurs, business owners are elevating their life. I have to, to, or somebody gets an X exotic.
So I have to, or I got one exotic. I probably should have two. So let me go hustle to get the next one. You see what I'm saying? What it does is it shifts the, the mentality that you have back to attachment because that's not achievement. You, and I both know you didn't start the business because you wanted all the cool, nice things.
It's probably what that business could provide for you and for your family. That's achievement. You want to achieve that? But to be attached to that and giving all of your emotional energy to the business and to all of the success that you seek. He leaves nothing for the family. You're leaving crumbs, you're leaving fumes for them.
And that's why like chasing all of these external things. It backfires on you.
Let's flip the script a little bit, and let's talk about your kids' perspective, right? For children, their perspective on what you're doing on a daily basis for success is very different. They see success as how much time does dad spend with me? They're not looking at your, your metrics. They're not looking at how many deals are closing.
They're not looking at how much money you're bringing to the table. They're not looking at your next marketing campaign. They're not looking at your operational excellence. They're not looking at how other people look at you in awe that you are, you. Your children don't see you nor do they see success that way.
Again, our children's minds are a lot different.
And so the way that they see success is. Well, if, if dad works on the business so much and he's happy, but he spends time with me. That's success. Because he's able to, to, to be the beast over there, but to be the man and the father and the dad that I need when I need him.
But just like we talked about a little bit earlier with that emotional gap. When you become so attached to your business and so attached to the success and the accolades and the achievements and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're too emotionally vested there versus the achievement. Just being this thing you want to work towards. What happens is you're forcing your children. Listen to me now you're forcing your children to compete with business.
You're forcing your children to compete with that success.
You're asking your children to compete with your work. And that brother, it is a lose, lose situation. Because at some point, you're going to realize all the success that you get in business, all the new things that you buy, all the cool things and the upgrades you have to your lifestyle. All the big business that you do. By the time you get to the top and you got that big business, you don't have that family anymore. You don't have that marriage.
You don't have those kids. So you gotta be aware of that.
What your kids. Are probably asking for what they're, what they really, really want from you. I'm telling you, right? It's so simple. Time. They just want your time. They not only want your time, they want your attention. That's not your attention of I'm going to hang out with you while you play. And you're on your phone.
Checking, email, checking, slack, doing the next deal. Following up with somebody. They want your present time. That is the most valuable asset to those children. And you got to understand for you as a high performer high achiever, you're going to have to learn the discipline of slowing down the mind and being present in the moment. Giving them the time, the attention, the presence that they deserve.
You got to remember, that's what they're asking for when they start going crazy on you, because you're not giving them time.
You might think you're giving them time, but you're not even present. Really really asked yourself. And if you really want to challenge yourself to see how you can do better in that relationship with your children, my challenge to use, to take them aside today, right after you watch this video. Whenever you get home. Whenever you're in front of them.
Look them in the eyes and ask them. Is that he making you happy? And you can be honest if I'm not.
See what they say.
And then follow up and ask. What can daddy do? To, to make you more happy. W what is it? You might think that they want you to buy them the next toy or the next thing, or the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you do this right. What's going to happen is they're going to truly open up to you because you're not checking your fucking phone while you're saying this, by the way. You're there you're present.
You're looking at them in the eyes. You're there in the moment. And you're asking, what can daddy do to make this better? What will condemn to do to make you happier?
And if you do it right, and you create the space, they will openly say, I just want to play. I just want time. I just want you to stop working.
In your mind, you have to understand that that doesn't mean they don't want you to be successful. They want their time with their dad. That's what it means.
So here's the protocol to re-establish and build and fortify and forge this connection with your children. You gotta keep in mind, you asked for those children. Your children and an ask for you. So it is your burden of leadership. To be able to do this and provide not financially. But emotionally and spiritually what they need.
Here's step one.
What you got to do is you got to redefine what success metrics are to you. A lot of times the business owners, high performance, high achievers, they're looking at success metrics as how much money did I make? How many deals that I close? How many hands did I shake? How many things that I do inside of the business to yield a quantifiable money results. Success has to be redefined as. How is my family.
How's my relationship to my children. How's my marriage. How's my personal life. How's my connection with myself. Those have to be the new KPIs. Those are the new success metrics.
And when you take that to a more granular level, then you start to ask yourself, well, if I want to look at my family life as a business, And I need to hit my key performance indicators. I need to make sure that I'm hitting my metrics. What is something that I want to do. With my family on a daily basis.
So if it's, if it's. Tuck the kids in a tuck, the kids in for bed. If it's read them a bedtime story, if it's to brush their teeth. If it's seven out of seven days out of the week, that's your KPI? That's your new metric of success? Did I brush my children's teeth or was I with them for their nightly routine?
Seven out of seven days this week. I start to look at success in that space. Did I have breakfast with my children every day, this week? If you're up earlier than them. Then choose a different metric.
Then I spend one hour of playtime with them. Or quality time, cause you might not have the energy for playtime all the time. What does that new success metric? You got to decide. Just choose one. It starts small. Work your way up.
The emotional. Part of this, that the presence you have to have a framework to it. And men by framework. I mean, you have to let go of your day. You gotta let go of the hustle. You gotta let go of the grind. So the best way to be able to do this is before you start hanging out with your kids or before you get home or before you, you spend any time with them. Take five minutes to yourself. To just close your eyes.
You can play music in the background and just breathe. Be aware of your breath. Be aware of your lungs. Filling up with air. And as you release the air, it leaving your lips, be aware. This is called mindfulness. When you do that, you're, you're letting go of your day to create space for those children. And when you create space emotionally, you can connect the reason why you probably have trouble with that is because you don't do anything like that.
And you try to jump from work to being a dad. And then you have an emotional disconnect, which then defeats the entire purpose.
Quick, two step framework. Before you engage with the children. Take five minutes to yourself. Breathe, meditate, pray, reset, emotionally. Become aware and release your day.
When you are spending time with those children. Make sure if it's 15 minutes, 30 minutes, one hour, whatever KPI you set for yourself. You set a timer on your phone and you do not look or pickup that phone until that timer goes off. And up until that point you are present and you're there with them.
When you do that, what's going to happen is over time, because this is a process over time, your children are going to be more happy, but they're also going to be more tamed around you.
They're not going to go crazy all the time because you're giving them the emotional of filling that they're looking for. They're looking for their cup to be filled emotionally through their father. You're giving that to them. You guys are going to be more in sync. They're going to listen to you more.
There's going to be less outburst. You're going to feel more calm and you're going to feel more proud. That you are the man that can run and operate a massive business or a building of a business or, or whatever it is that you do. And you can be the, the man, the father, the dad that, that these people need. That these children need.
And when you do that, you start to feel so proud of who you are becoming. Because then you start to see a vision of what else. Who else can you become. When you're really there when you're really the man, you know, you're supposed to be.
Look, if this message hit you in the chest, if they hit home. And you're in a position now where you really want to build a real legacy for your children, for your bloodline. That there will actually be proud of. Because you're there in the moment present as you're building. And so that's how they remember it.
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